Chances are, if you’re thinking about psychotherapy, one of several things is happening:
• You’re struggling big time.
• You’re being self-critical, you’re exhausted, you feel alone, and you don’t know what to do or where to turn. (I’ve been there.) Now you’re looking for some way out.
• Depression and/or anxiety have become a routine part of your experience and you’re frustrated and ready to deal with it.
• You are moving through the motions of life, but feel disconnected, almost zombie-like. Nothing outwardly seems off, yet inside there is a deep-seated sense that you’re not living your life. Life is devoid of real satisfaction and meaning, and it is time to do something about it.
• Things are pretty good. You have a natural curiosity about yourself and your relationship to the world and are looking for ways to explore deeper existential questions.
• Relationship struggles: You are having problems in your current relationship or have a history of relationship trouble.
• You’d like to explore how to create meaningful and sustainable relationships, without repeating the same dynamic.
Individual psychotherapy is about self-discovery and transformation. In the short term it is often about alleviating symptoms (such as depression and anxiety) and feeling your feet under you again. It’s my job to help you learn to work with yourself emotionally and psychologically, so, over the long term, you’re able to navigate your world in increasingly powerful and effective ways.
When I have asked couples over the years what they want to feel and experience in relationship, I hear some combination of the following:
• My partner has my back
• Good sex
• Being known
Relationships are a practice—an opportunity for growth and understanding. They are dynamic, alive and ever-changing. Like all things dynamic and alive, they require attention and curiosity. When we approach relationships from this open inquiry, we learn to both take responsibility for our role and how to better support our partner. From that place, patterns of resentment and frustration can shift and a greater sense of possibility emerges.
I work with couples in a direct and powerful way. It is important that you both see your situation as co-created. You guys fell in love together and you also created your current mess together. And together you can get out of it. Our work is to heal the rifts and improve communication, creating a new foundation from which the relationship can evolve into something richer and more meaningful.